By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
