so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
