did you get engaged???
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so explain again why im purple
no
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
