i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
