omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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