My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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