I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
