i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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