I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
