forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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