i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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