her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
