My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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