Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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