so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
