I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have surprise drugs for everyone
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We need to get me chipped asap
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
