I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
