toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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