I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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