I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
