Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
