i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i love accidental penises.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
