i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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