The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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