"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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