nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
