I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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