If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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