I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
