so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
