I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
