He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
