haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
