4 words: hood of his car
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So squirting runs in the family.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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