you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
