Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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