she looked like the before picture.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
