i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
