i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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