I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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