By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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