I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
