You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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