Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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