CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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