Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
