wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
