His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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