Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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