where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
