JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
