I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
