I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
