Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
